Is It Time To Leave? Should I Leave My Ministry Position?

How do I know if it’s MY time to make a transition (leave my current position)? Much has been written on this topic; and I have LOVED some blogs I have read on the subject. Of course, the chief concern here is the terrible lack of longevity we see in our churches today-  some churches seem to go through staff like water, and many staff are far too quick to leave.  We should never leave a ministry God has called us to on a whim. Ministry is HARD- no doubt about it.  And if you leave every time ministry breaks your heart or gets difficult, you won’t stay anywhere long. I have heard it said that you cannot effect any REAL change in a ministry until you have been there at least 3 years.

But if you have honestly tried EVERYTHING you can think of to improve things at your current ministry, and you have tried to stick things out for this long haul, is it ever right to leave a ministry position? Actually, yes, sometimes God is telling you to move on.  And if you overstay in the wrong position, you can do damage to the ministry you are supposed to be serving. AND there can be frustration and harm for you, your health and your family.  So how can you know? How can you know if it may be time to find a new ministry position? Well, I talked with a few of my friends in ministry, and here are some of the TOP ways I and others have known it was possibly time to move on:

1. You just don’t care anymore. You cannot shake apathy. Something doesn’t go well, or you exceed goals- and it doesn’t faze you either way. Something inside you has died for this ministry. I encourage you to talk about those feelings with your senior leader and other ministry leaders you trust outside your ministry.  It could be you just need a break, or a refreshing etc. But you cannot ignore that apathy for long- it is SAYING something.
2. You are almost ALWAYS frustrated, irritated and resentful.  It’s perfectly normal to be frustrated at times (especially Mondays!). But if these feelings of anger and hurt and resentment have gone on and on and nothing you are doing is helping; it may be time for you to leave before that attitude gets worse and/or poisons those around you. Another side to this may be emotions “leaking out” when they don’t fit the situation or seem inappropriate. For example, you find a candy wrapper on your floor and are suddenly enraged and don’t know why. Or someone thanks you for a card you sent and you burst into tears. Your emotions are trying to tell you something is very wrong. And though it’s hard, you gotta listen.
3. Vision is gone. You are no longer hoping or planning for great things a long way off for the ministry there. You can barely focus on planning for this coming Sunday. Planning for a year from now is nearly impossible. Because you can no longer see the future for this ministry. Writing messages further out is becoming more difficult. You are in “survival mode” all the time- “get through” this Sunday, “make it” to the day off, “coast” for a bit. Many ministers have told me that when it was time to leave, they “felt it lift”- their vision and desire for that place was gone….so much so that the building itself began to look different to them; nothing seemed the same.
4. You find yourself often day dreaming about a different ministry/church. A lot of leaders have that awesome daydream of filling in for Francis Chan for a Sunday and 2000 people get saved… But if ALL you do is hope and dream about another ministry, then your heart may have died for this one.  And that’s not fair for the people at your current church. You should still be able to dream for the church you are at.
5. You are now there for the wrong reasons- ie. money, habit, fear. You should be worried that your time at that church/ministry is up when you dread going back in even while leaving the parking lot. It’s a warning when your day off isn’t even a drop in the bucket to refuel you. You do not want to be there at all, but you just don’t know how to do anything else. Or you are afraid or going somewhere new. Which leads to a great question: Why are you staying?
6. Your ministry there does not “fit” with the church’s new vision/direction. Your giftings and talents are not being used; you’re just not challenged anymore. It could be that God has grown you so much in that ministry, that He now has plans for you elsewhere. And it could just be that – and please please hear my heart when I say this- you may not be what that church is looking for in a new season.  Everything changes, always. And your giftings and leadership could just be an answer to prayer and a perfect fit somewhere new. I remember, many years back, sitting around the table at our weekly staff meeting at my church.  I had been on staff there for several years, with a lot of growth and success.  But increasingly, I was finding myself frustrated at these meetings. With the new leadership, new vision and direction, I had been so excited, but week by week I felt like a fifth wheel.  I prayed about it, sought wise counsel, talked to the new lead pastor, and worked harder to make it work. But one morning, sitting in that meeting, reigning in a volcano of frustration, I took a good look around and realized….I was what didn’t fit in this picture. It wasn’t the 6 other staff who needed a change- I wasn’t right for this newly redefined position.  And I knew it wasn’t going back to what it was. In that moment the whole picture changed. I felt a relief wash over me, as well as sadness, grief….but when we got up to leave the room and go into the hallways, nothing was the same. I knew it was over. I did keep praying, thinking, grieving, but God confirmed through several other people that it was time to go.  I listened and moved on to an amazing new staff position that has been one of the greatest experiences-and most challenging!-of my life. And I got to see the next kid’s ministry grow exponentially, and I grew in team building by matching myself and others in their skill sets. I know that if I had been stubborn and stayed without God’s blessing, my ministry there would NOT have kept growing, and I would have continued feeling stymied and frustrated. And furthermore, things like my Africa trip, traveling/speaking, and my book may never have happened.

Ministry takes a lot of wisdom and prayer.  And remember that God is still guiding, still writing your story and the stories of the ministries where you work. “He Who has begun a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it.” Believe that in time, He will make His will clear to you.  Just be willing to jump in and follow it.  And be patient, prayerful and act with integrity in that “waiting time”. God bless your ministry now and in the new year! Trisha

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The Nine Best Traits for Lifelong Ministry, Part 2

I really hope you liked last week’s discussion on great character traits and habits for pastor and church leaders. And as promised, here are the other 4 best traits for pastor and church leaders hoping to be in ministry for the long term-

1. Teachable nature/growth mindset-This willingness to keep learning really comes from a heart of humility and a desire to please God. How many pastors have we seen through the years that learned one way of preaching/teaching in Bible college, one way of leading worship, one way of counseling and never grew again after that. Decades later they are not reaching new generations due to lack of education and training. Scripture does not change and should not be changed. However, the methods we use to bring the gospel to each generation should match the “language” that generation speaks. If God has called you to reach a certain group of people, shouldn’t you learn their culture, customs and language? Change is not always fun. But if we stubbornly cling to our own methods, are we growing His kingdom? Or our own? In order to really be effective in ministry, all ministers should continually be learning and growing, willing to work and change.
2. Genuine- When my husband first met our now senior pastor, my husband turned to me on the drive home and said, “One thing I know, that man is the real deal.” To this day, this is something we really appreciate about our pastor. He is not one person from the pulpit and another in the office and yet another at Walmart. He is not “fake.” He preaches community and he clears his schedule to practice being in community. Pastors can fall to the temptation to develop a “persona” of what they THINK people want to see in that position. But there is no substitute for a real genuine person, serving within their calling. Our pastor has dropped everything to counsel and pray with our kids. He and his wife have sat up with someone dying at the homeless shelter til 3 am. How badly our churches need leaders who are for real!!
3. Commitment to their own health- In our culture, spending time on your own physical and mental health can seem “selfish,” especially for a pastor who is supposed to be “self-sacrificing.” However, my doctoral research showed me that pastors have a much higher than average rate of depression, secondary PTSD, health issues, and loneliness. We have already lost too many wonderful pastors because their body or mind or marriage just couldn’t hang on anymore. Churches should be encouraging their pastors to take days off every week, to use all vacation days, to take Sundays off from time to time, to go for doctor’s checkups, to be in pastor cohorts etc. etc. That investment in your pastor will hopefully keep them healthy in their family and in ministry for a long time! Healthy pastor=healthy church.
4. Love for people- I don’t know of any pastors that go into ministry thinking, “I really hate people.” I hope not! But unfortunately, I have observed pastors that just seem to lose their love of people over the years. Perhaps it is the hectic schedules, paperwork, horrible things that people do to each other and to them and to themselves, power struggles, infighting…burnout can cause us to see the people we are called as burdens. Like a once spectacular house that is now empty and rundown, a pastor who lost their love for people is also sad and hollow. God is desperately in love with people and with His Church. Sometimes we need to ask God to reignite our passion for the people we serve in His name.

How about YOU? Did I miss a trait that you feel is crucial for pastors to succeed?

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The Nine Most Important Traits for Pastors/Church Leaders- Part ONE

There are so many things you need to know as a minister!! The onslaught of information is overwhelming! And what is the most important for me to know? Church growth dynamics? Emerging technology? Reaching Gen Z? Hiring best practices? Fundraising basics? There are so many things that pastors feel they need to know to be effective. Most of you know that I did my doctoral research on the real reasons why pastors leave ministry and don’t come back. If you would like to see my research you can get the book here- https://a.co/d/67oqi9P. But what are the key traits that may help a minister stay in ministry over the long term? What should a new ministry leader be focusing on in their new position? Here are the nine traits that, in my personal opinion, are absolutely CRUCIAL for anyone hoping to stay in ministry for more than 5 minutes:

1. Devotion to Jesus-You have probably heard “Serving in the church is not the same thing as spending quiet time with Jesus.” But most of us need the reminder. Serving long hours in the church office will lead to total burnout if you are not daily being filled up in your relationship with Jesus. In my own experience, I have seen too many ministers walk away from Jesus completely after their ministry falls apart. Their faith was far too enmeshed with what they were doing FOR God instead of WHO they are IN Christ. Our ministry to others should flow out of our own spiritual journey. A love relationship with Jesus should be for life, even when ministry seasons come and go.
2. Devotion to family- In like manner, our family relationships are supposed to be for life. Our ministry to our family should come before our ministry at the church. Time spent serving together is not a substitute for quality time with your spouse or your children. How many ministers only learn this the hard way, losing their family and then losing their ministry? Jesus first, then your family, and then the rest.
3. Perseverance- To me, this seems to be a trait that is lacking in our modern, western culture. And staying in ministry for the long term requires a lot of perseverance. Ministers must be able to endure disappointment, heartache, verbal and written insults (sadly), resistance to any change, power grabs, manipulation, church politics and more. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit to get up and try one more time, again and again. Scripture warns us plainly that serving Jesus is hard in this world, but also in the church. Paul encourages us to, “Endure hardship as a soldier of Jesus Christ.” Ministry can be much tougher than what we imagined or were prepared for. Sometimes it is only the grace of God that keeps us going-in hope!
4. Forgiveness- You will not be in ministry long if you do not learn to forgive. In fact, you will also lose your relationship with Jesus if you will not forgive. My father has always said, “All people are sinners. It’s just that some of those sinners believe in Jesus and are going to heaven.” His point was that we expect terrible behavior from non-Christians, but are often shocked when we see horrible things being done by “church” people. I have often seen kindness, compassion and understanding from non-Christian friends and gossip, back-biting, manipulations, and power grabs happening in the the church. But without forgiveness, it becomes impossible to continue in ministry. And forgiveness is necessary to continue on LIVING, being free and having joy. If we ask God for help, He can help us forgive and be free, when we cannot forgive in our human strength alone.
5. Flexibility- Being too rigid in devotion to our plans and our way of doing things will only get you broken. I learned this lesson early on as a special education teacher in a public school. One of the other teachers told me this: “Trish, I hold my plans loosely. I prepare as best I can, but I have to flex with what the day and the kids bring to the classroom.” As a minister, I plan and prepare as well as I can. But I hold my plans loosely. Because I have to be able to flex according to what the day and the families I serve bring in. I have always told our kid’s church leaders, “I don’t care if you get to the end of the lesson or do all of the activities. People over programs. If a child is in need of prayer because their parents are getting a divorce, then we stop everything and pray. Be prepared to pivot as God is leading you.”

Stay tuned for PART 2 next week! How about YOU? What do you think are the absolutely essential traits for ministry leaders who are hoping to go the distance? Thank you for all you do for Jesus and His kids! See you next week, Trisha

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Appealing for Volunteers From the Pulpit??

“Please make sure to ask for VBS volunteer sign ups this Sunday, Kristen. Oh, and make sure you have the sign up sheet ready on the table in the foyer.”

Most kidmin leaders have been asked to make an appeal for volunteers up front on a Sunday morning. Some kidmin leaders have asked their senior leader to make the appeal. But why are more and more churches are moving away from pulpit appeals for volunteers? Here’s why some churches won’t do pulpit recruitment anymore-and why I still advocate for the pulpit appeal anyway:

What can go wrong with pulpit recruiting in the main service for kid’s ministry?

1. Attracting the wrong people. The major drawback to the pulpit appeal is that you typically get a lot of sign-ups from people who should not work with children. Also, most high-quality leaders will not respond to an open “cattle call.” That is not universally true; I have picked up some amazing leaders from pulpit appeals. But I have also had sign-ups from people who were legally restricted from having anything to do with children, people who had been asked to leave the children’s ministry years ago, people with anger management issues, people who hated children, or people who just signed up for everything. And I think you know what I mean when I say some people are just not a fit for children’s ministry. This problem is made much worse if the pulpit appeal was done incorrectly. If someone pleaded and begged from the stage saying, “We are desperate. We just need anyone. It’s so easy anyone can do it. Just sign up and we’ll get you in there,” now you really have a problem. You may have to tell someone who signed up, “We are desperate, for anyone at all, anyone can do this job—but we do not want you.” That gets personal and hurtful. And it typically makes the church look heartless and hypocritical. Do not fall into this trap. You can avoid it by not doing pulpit appeals. But let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water. You can avoid some of this embarrassment by doing the appeal correctly. Be honest with people! The ministry is for children, and you cannot take everyone. Everyone in the church can and should find a place to serve, but not everyone can serve in children’s ministry. You are going to find people who are a right fit for children’s ministry. Do your background checks; some will be weeded out right away. Some churches require references from the last place the volunteer served, which can help weed out a few more. Ask other staff and key volunteers about the history of a person at that church. Above all, trust your gut. If you just don’t “feel a peace” about putting someone in a children’s class, please listen to that warning. It has served me well. You do not have to be insulting, but that person can probably find another place of ministry in the church. Your priority here is the safety and well-being of the kids.
2. Dropping the ball on follow-up. One pitfall of the pulpit appeal happens when your team fails at follow-up. The pulpit appeal is a great way to get a lot of names of people wanting to learn more about serving. But each and every one of those names must be contacted, sometimes more than once (or four times). It is a mistake to simply expect that all of those people are now “committed,” then to celebrate, thinking they are all showing up to help on Sunday. The sad fact is that when it is all said and done, only about one-quarter of the people who sign up for a pulpit appeal will actually work out as viable children’s ministry volunteers. Some will never call you back. Some went home and changed their mind. Some sign up for everything and are too embarrassed to tell you they are overcommitted. Some will be disqualified due to something in their past (child-abuse conviction) or in their present (alcohol addiction). Some will come the first day and then not show the next. So why do this recruiting thing at all? (Insert yell of frustration and throwing hands up in the air in despair here.) We recruit because that 25 percent of people who sign up and do become great leaders are worth the work involved to bring them onboard. Keep going after these people; they are like gold when you do find them. No matter what the reason, if people are signing up and they are not getting a call back, it looks bad. It looks bad for you, for the church and for the kids’ area. You look disorganized, ungrateful, and unprofessional. It discredits you and hinders any future recruitment. I spoke with an amazing volunteer a few weeks ago, a pediatric nurse with years of experience in children’s ministry. Out of curiosity I asked her, “Mary, why didn’t I get you back here helping me sooner? You are amazing!” She answered, “Because five years ago under a different pastor I signed up to help in kids’ ministry after a pulpit appeal and no one ever called me. I even called to ask about it, and no one called me back. I was so hurt that I did not ever sign up to volunteer again. I felt like they lied from the stage by saying, ‘We are badly in need of help.’ And I did not want to be a part of anything so disorganized anyway. If they cared so little for people that they can’t make a phone call, how are they treating their volunteers?” Ouch
3. But what about all the other departments? What about equal time? Usually when a church is moving away from pulpit appeals, this excuse (con) is raised. It typically goes like this: “If we let you make an appeal for leaders in kids’ ministry, to be fair we have to let every area of our church—all 347 of them—make an appeal, and we will never have another church service again! It will just be nonstop begging for helpers!” My response has always been to quote Andy Stanley, “Who says we have to be fair?” No, you do not have to let every single area have equal time from the pulpit. Why does the kids’ ministry sometimes need that extra bump? Well, for starters, the kids’ ministry needs more volunteers than just about any other area in the entire church. Everywhere I have been, the kids’ area has held more than half of the church’s volunteer base. The ratios of adults to children that need to be maintained mean that more leaders are required. Since these are our kids we are talking about, not just anyone will be able to serve there. We need the best, highest-caliber leaders with our kids (parents should all agree here too). A good rule of thumb is that a healthy kids’ ministry of any church should make up about 25 percent of the church as a whole, plus parents, and volunteers, which means anything you say from the pulpit about the kids’ ministry already affects about 60 percent of your church. Kids’ ministry is an all-church endeavor. It has to be. Kids’ ministry has never been nor can it ever be self-sustaining. Yet it is one of the only ministries in the church that meets during the main service, off in its own area, where many have no idea what is going on in there. Shouldn’t the right hand know what the left is doing? Asking the kids’ ministry leaders to recruit that many quality leaders with no representation in the main church body is like telling them to double their brick quota with no straw. Studies show that the majority of families are choosing their churches based predominately by what is offered for their kids. The recruiting of these leaders is absolutely mission critical for the church as a whole. Lead pastors of fast growing churches know this and make sure to give that kids’ ministry a visible, credible shot in the arm every chance they get.
4. All by itself, a pulpit appeal will not reach the whole congregation: The average “committed Christian family” in the United States attends their church 1-2 Sundays a month. That means that if you rely one five minute announcement, made on one Sunday morning, you are not going to come anywhere near getting your message to the whole congregation. Fifty to sixty percent of the congregation is not there because they are on vacation, sports, sick etc. And of the people who ARE at your church on any given Sunday, you probably won’t reach everyone. Some are serving elsewhere (greeters, parking lot.) Some are in the bathroom or badly distracted. A pulpit appeal cannot be counted on to reach the entire congregation if used alone as the only means of recruiting.

BUT- Here’s Why I Still Believe in Pulpit Appeals (in addition to, not replacing, other methods)

The main win from a pulpit appeal, if done well and especially if your senior leader does it, is that it shouts to the entire body like a bull horn: “OUR CHURCH VALUES CHILDREN AND FAMILIES. WE VALUE THIS MINISTRY. IT IS PART OF OUR VISION AND MISSION. IT IS IMPORTANT AND YOU SHOULD BE A PART OF IT.” Every children’s pastor needs this kind of backing to see some mountains move. In a day and age when some churches are making the decision to not do any pulpit pushes anymore, I still can see the value in showing your whole church that the kids’ ministry is there and growing. You have to remember, most people sitting in the adult service have no idea what is going on in that other room. Out of sight, out of mind. If, as the kids’ leader, you have any opportunity at all to speak to the congregation as a whole about the kids’ ministry, take it. Go speak for those kids, those volunteers, and for the parents. Speak well and gain church-wide credibility for a ministry that is a part of your church. Let them know the kids’ ministry is not just child care in a far-off room. Be clear about the successes. Share some testimonies!

How about YOU? Does your church do recruitment from the main stage? Why or why not? Do you still believe it is a good idea? Thank you for what you do for Jesus and His kids- love and prayers, Trisha

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Guaranteed Ways to Irritate Your Senior Leader

Are you feeling “called” to be a “thorn in the flesh” for your pastor in the new year? You could be the one keeping your pastor humble and in constant prayer. Here are proven ways to be a bigger pain the butt for your pastor each and every Sunday!

1. Surprise them- a lot. All lead pastors and staff pastors LOVE being surprised and being the very last to know. So if you know a family is angry and leaving the church, or that a certain child WILL bite if you make eye contact, or that half of the congregation will walk out if the pastor takes the flags off the stage, or that person pastor just picked as an usher has stolen money twice before…it is a great idea to make sure the pastor is the last to know. Isn’t experience the best teacher? Sure you should keep telling everyone else in the church, but don’t spoil your pastor’s surprise!
2. Use literally any excuse not to come to church- If one person in your home stubs their toe, everybody will need to stay home. Sports on Sundays? Yes please. And the whole family will need to cheer that child on! Reschedule those family outtings for Sunday mornings. Don’t forget to skip during inclement (and/or beautiful) weather. And count in days too to oversleep, and forget to ask for a ride. Having a fear of alien abductions, and a really busy week counts too.
3. Use literally any excuse not to serve in your church- You can use these phrases liberally as a “Get out of serving free card.” “Pastor, I used to serve when my kids were little, so I did my time.” “I’m giving someone else the blessing of serving.” “I am just too busy with PTA, AARP, Kennel club, dance classes, kickboxing etc. etc. to serve at my church.” “God isn’t releasing me to minister yet.” “I can’t fit a position in this church to fit all my unique and wonderful gifts.” “I’m in a season of rest right now.””I don’t feel led to help in any way at my church.”
4. Resist any and all change. Keep saying things like, “But thats not the way that….did it.” “We’ve never had that kind of outreach before.” “The pink carpet was good enough for our church’s founders, so it is good enough forever.” “Thirty years ago the hankerchief ministry was really really thriving, and yes I know the leader (or Hanker Chief) has been dead now for 12 years and no one attends anymore, or wants to lead it, but you had better not change anything- cancel it, repurpose that space, redirect budget money and volunteers, or those of us who really don’t care about it will be greatly offended!”
5. Show you have no understanding or respect for what your Pastor does during the week: “Must be nice to only work one hour every Sunday morning!” “Hey pastor, can you drive me to all my appointments? You must be so bored during the weekdays.” “Why would you need me to clean up nursery toys? What are we paying you for?” “How can praying all day be so stressful?” “No one has died lately so you should have PLENTY of time to counsel me 4 times a week.” “What do you mean pastor is not in his office? What are we paying him for?” “What do you mean pastor is with her family on her day off? Why isn’t the church a priority?”
6. Always confront your pastor on a Sunday morning, minutes before they are going to preach. And only talk to your pastor when you have something negative to say. Make sure you let them know what they are doing wrong, how offended you are and all of the things you have heard are going wrong all over the church. And tell them that “EVERYONE” is upset and talking about it. This will definitely help your pastor focus better on the ministry that morning.
7. Pastors love it when you wait until Sunday morning to call and say you cannot fill your serving position that day. Even if you knew you were going to be gone for several days, make sure to wait until Sunday morning to make that call- or better yet a text or email. All that rushing around trying to find your replacement/rearranging classes etc. will get your pastor’s heart pumping hard before that sermon. It will teach them to push through distractions!
8. Never directly talk with your pastor about things that upset you. Instead, slip anonymous nasty notes under his office door. That is the way to effect real change. If that doesn’t work, tell everyone else that is around the pastor how upset you are- the staff, key volunteers. If the pastor then asks to meet with you one on one to work things out, refuse, deny everything and pretend to be perfectly agreeable. This will let your pastor know their mistakes without you having to work anything out.
9. Continually compare their ministry to any previous pastor, or even a pastor at a different church. In a negative sense, this could sound like, “Wow, pastor. You are really starting to sound like _____________ and we all know how that turned out.” Or you could idolize a former leader by saying, “Well pastor _______________ never did things that way and he was really a man of God. At least pastor ___________ taught the Word. And he would never have changed a service time. I wish you would teach on _________________ because pastor __________________ sure made that a priority. ___________________ was a much better preacher.” Remember, passive-aggressiveness is the key to holiness.
10. Threaten to leave the church. This is your ultimate Holy Grail attack when you need to get your pastor in line. It can also keep you from having to work things out, confess any sin or accept any church discipline. If something is not going your way, your anonymous notes are being ignored and (gasp) your pastor is changing things, threaten to leave the church- or worse, leave and take people with you. This will scare some pastors into seeing things your way. It can also help slow or stop any church growth in its tracks.

How about you? What things really seem to aggravate YOUR pastor? If you are the pastor, what things just burn YOUR bacon in ministry? Love for all of the pastors out there- Trisha

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Lowered Expectations and Teeny Tiny Asks-The Truth About Under-Asking

Why do we “under-ask” in recruiting and why does it matter??

Oh, I know, you are thinking, “But I’m constantly asking!” I’m not referring to how often you ask; I’m referring to how big you ask. Most children’s leaders under ask. It comes from that age-old survival mentality we discussed. This starts with an appeal fraught with loads of apologizing. The thinking usually goes something like this: “Wow, we are so desperate, and maybe we would get a lot more help if we ask as little from people as possible! Let’s make the work seem so easy, with no prep, as if anyone can do it. We just need a warm body in there, or we gotta close the class. It’s so simple that it’s trivial. Just take your turn and get through it!”

Besides reeking of babysitting and desperation, the mistake of under asking chases off great leaders for this reason: time. Have you ever noticed that despite our many modern conveniences, faster modes of communication and transportation, thousands of labor- and time-saving devices, we are busier and more stressed than ever? Studies show that people today actually have more leisure time now than they did 40 years ago. So why are people busier and more stressed than ever before? They are driving their kids to soccer, ballet, and speech meets, working a lot more hours to make ends meet, and then volunteering at their kids’ schools. These people are tired. 

So why is it a mistake to downplay what you are asking them to do? To make it sound as small and easy as possible? Because people are constantly bombarded with opportunities and demands to work or serve, but most of them are a blur of things that nearly anyone could do. People get really tired of being guilted into all of those areas too. Trust me, people! I’ve done the 1:00 a.m. baking of three dozen cupcakes that my child told me about that evening so that I am not the “bad parent” who wouldn’t help with the fourth-grade bake sale. But in this world where people have limited time to give, we still have a longing to be part of something meaningful that will live on when we are gone. We want to use the gifts with which God uniquely created us. We want to be a part of something amazing. We want the sacrifice of the time we gave to matter. 

Even with being so busy, volunteerism in the United States has never been higher. But people are not going to give a moment of that precious time to something that anyone could do by just showing up. We want to be where we are needed and can make a difference, where our skills and gifts play an integral part on a winning team. No one is going to deliberately sign up for the team that just announced it is losing. That investment of time must go where it will bring the greatest return. The surprise for me in my many ministries has been that I find more gifted invested leaders when I ask big. I ask and expect a lot, and that attracts people who want their gift of time to matter. For example, we once asked for people to help in a classroom once a month for a two-month commitment with no set-up or extra work required. We had almost no takers. Then that same month, I made a push for fine arts team leaders. I made it clear they would have to be there almost every Saturday for two hours rehearsing, live up to a strict code of conduct, come prepared to lead devotions and pray together, and learn to lead the younger leaders. I had so many responses that I had to rotate teams and make a waiting list. I am not promising you that same result. What I am saying is this: When the need is big, you may need to ask bigger. How important is kids’ ministry to you and the future of your church? How about to God? So much is riding on the next generation and their relationship with Jesus Christ. Don’t the kids deserve a bigger ask? Think of the United States Marine Corps’ new slogan, “We except commitments, not applications.” 

Need proof? How about the most amazing ministry recruiter of all time—Jesus. How did he go about recruiting a team to launch His brand spankin’ new church?

First He prayed. A lot. Sometimes He spent all night praying. Before you say that sounds cliché, have you really spent quality time in prayer asking God to give you the right people in the right positions?

Second, Jesus asked big. He said, “Leave everything—your job, your family, your house, your money, and come follow me right now.” And they did. They must have sensed His authority and His vision, and they felt called to Him and His ministry. Later He kept saying things like, “I am going to die for this new church, and most of you are going to die for this cause too.” WHOA! Not the pep talk we are used to getting!

Third, Jesus never apologized or begged anyone to come on board. Show me the verse where He guilted someone into “just filling that spot for a couple weeks till we can figure things out.” Didn’t happen! How can you come closer to Jesus’ way of recruiting? Pray, ask, and leave behind all apologizing, begging, and guilting.

Here are a few more tips for asking bigger and better.

1. Don’t say “anyone can do it.” No one is going to sign on as a “warm body” for a position that even a monkey or a warm mannequin can do. People are looking for something that will challenge them, use their skills, and make a difference for eternity.

2. Don’t minimize the importance of what you are asking them to do. No job serving Jesus and His kids is unimportant. One wise children’s pastor decided to change the way that volunteers looked at serving in the nursery. He said, “We will no longer advertise for ‘just caring people to hold babies’.” He instituted a simple curriculum for the nursery, the first of its kind. Then he announced that every baby would be introduced to worship songs, every baby would begin to learn a Bible verse, and most importantly, every baby would be held and prayed for each and every Sunday service because he wanted every child in his ministry to feel the love and presence of God, to know the joy of singing praise, to start early loving God’s Word. WOW!

This of course, added a lot of new duties and much more commitment to the nursery leaders. As you probably guessed, his leaders loved it. They finally felt that the ministry they had been doing was valued and meant something. All of the sudden he had people signing up left and right. Not because it was the easiest or had the “least prep.” They signed up because they wanted each of those precious babies to know the love of God from day one. Every area of children’s ministry matters. We should never undersell the work involved.

3. Don’t say, “minimal commitment.” Ask volunteers to commit (usually a written commitment works best). How long should you ask your leaders to volunteer for? Well, usually forever is too long. Don’t leave the commitment open ended. Have a time limit in case the volunteer is not a correct fit for kids’ ministry. Most churches go with either a 9-month (school year) or one-year commitment. I’ve seen a lot of elementary and pre-K ministries use a school-year commitment and nursery to age three ministries use a one-year commitment. (The children are not in school yet).

4. Hold a high standard. Include with your commitment form a code of conduct that matches your church’s vision and mission. Be specific and put in writing what you want them to do. For example:

● Arrive 20 minutes early.

● Participate in a volunteer opening prayer rally right when you arrive.

● Be prepared to open the doors promptly at 10:00 a.m.

Let volunteers know in writing that they may be asked to step down if they are found in breach of that commitment. Find out what gifts and talents they bring to the table and incorporate those giftings into that class schedule! Got a puppeteer who signed up to help in the 4k classroom? Get him (and his puppet) telling that story ASAP. Each leader should be fully invested in the ministry. People who find their place to serve stay. Floating people leave. We have a big job. Let’s get them to it! Ask them to be a part of a team. Ask them for their time, talents, and heart. Ask them to partner with you in reaching lost people for Jesus!

How about you? How have you made a “big ask” of your volunteer leaders? How did it go?

Love Always- Trisha

Excerpt from Amazon’s “Your Children’s Ministry From Scratch”

Photo by Liza Summer on Pexels.com

A 30 Day Plan to DOUBLE Your Volunteers-

“What can I try to get more quality volunteers?” I was asked this important question 2 weeks ago at CPC conference in Orlando. I thought for a moment, and then told her about a plan we carried out at our church- and I would gladly do again! Most kidmin leaders know that “pulpit appeals” have a lot of drawbacks when you are recruiting for kid’s ministry (including drawing in those that should NOT be working with kids), but I still see the importance of a wide recruitment push. However, today I want you to think about some of your most amazing CURRENT volunteers- you know the ones. Think about your kidmin leaders who are really children’s ministers in their own right; “volunteers” with a heart and passion for seeing kids know Jesus. Wouldn’t you like to have more of THEM? I’ve even said, “Wow I wish I could just put you (a key leader) on a copy machine and make a few more of YOU!” Studies show that a lot of people tend to naturally make friends with people that share their core values and interests. Most of the leaders in your kids’ ministry were recruited by someone already in or formerly in your ministry. It’s a fact. Most people do not want to serve with strangers. And when they feel overwhelmed in a classroom, their first impulse usually is turn to a friend and say, “Hey, I need help in here. We could do this together.” Some of my best teachers over the years have been duos—friends who served together, couples, families, and siblings. Your best recruiters are the ones already in your ministry! That is why how you treat your volunteers, stay connected and communicate with them, and publicly show your appreciation is so important. So the FRIENDS of your key leaders may be exactly the leaders you need. Do you like your current leaders? Then ask them to replicate themselves. This increases your recruiters from one (you) to your entire volunteer force. And the truth is that the larger your church grows, you will not be able to get to know as many people- especially if you (ahem) never make it into an adult service. But your key leaders have a wider net of people that they know. SO……

I did a recruitment campaign called Each One Bring One. How it worked was we gave each of our leaders the assignment to recruit one person-just one person- in a 30 day period. We gave each current volunteer a gift card for recruiting a friend (to apply) in the 30 day window, even if that friend did not end up working out as one of our volunteers. The idea is to double your volunteer base in just 30 days. I would say that we did not have 100 percent participation, but a lot of our leaders went for it. We did need to advertise this well, as well as follow up on each leader to remind them over that month. We also had to be prepared to follow up right away with each new leader and get them right into training/onboarding. And what if someone gets their friend to apply, but you realize that this new recruit is not a match for your kid’s ministry? (not a Christian yet, not good with kids at all, felonies etc.) I make sure to say that we are having people APPLY to be working in our kid’s ministry, and that the standards are high and specific. All potential leaders are held to the same standards. If someone will not work out in our area, I always try to get them plugged in serving somewhere in our church- parking lot crew, maintenance, hospitality etc.

How about you? Have you tried something like this at your church? What was your best, most successful strategy for recruiting volunteers? Thank you so much for all you do for Jesus and His kids. Love always, Trisha

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I Can’t Take This Anymore!! When Ministry Makes You Wanna Walk- No Run- AWAY

"I JUST CAN'T DO THIS! Have you ever felt this way? Has that sentence even come out of your mouth?

I'll never forget my first Sunday as a kid's pastor at my second pastorate.  As I walked down the hallway toward the kid's church auditorium, a teacher came charging out the side door with a child wrapped around her left leg. The teacher glared at me and said, I'm so glad you are here so I can finally quit." The child bit a hole in the teacher's pant leg and howled, "I hate you!" I waddled by 9 month pregnant self into kid's church. I had insisted that all leaders come for rehearsals and preservice prayer, and in response, 3 out of 4 had quit. So today it was just me, my husband, and two- no, now make that one, other teacher for the rest of this service. Sigh. I entered the room just as the head teacher finished the lesson (there were only 40 minutes of material for an hour and a half service).  The poor teacher looked at me with a helpless expression and shrugged.  She then asked, "And who likes candy!?" And dumped a bucket of candy on the floor.  Instantly the children were out of their seats rooting, screaming and shoving like animals diving for the candy. This lasted all of 90 seconds.  Then I heard the teacher say, "now what do we do for the NEXT 44 minutes?" I knew God had called us to this church, this ministry, but I'll admit, at THAT moment, I had desperate thoughts like "Oh Lord, what have I done? I can't do this!!"  My husband told me on the way home, "Trish, you know God has called us here." And I cried all the way home.  What I didn't know, was that day was the start of 7 AMAZING years- some of the best years of my LIFE! That kid's church tripled in number, built on neat new areas and increased exponentially in volunteers. Most importantly, many of the kids in that kid's church are still serving Jesus- some are married now, and are ministers themselves (yikes, I feel old).  The people I met there became family to us. And in a way, I was right- I COULDN'T do it.  It took God doing the miraculous to effect change.

But haven't we ALL had those moments? As parents, as leaders, as friends? You know, those Sunday mornings when your THIRD teacher calls in sick or has car problems and on paper there is NO way to make this happen? When your two year old spills juice all over himself, his clothes and the floor while the baby fills her diaper, and before you can finish cleaning up the first mess the dog pukes on your shoes? When your car is in the shop for a new clutch and on the way over your van drops an alternator? It kinda sounds like an Alanis Morisette song......

I heard a story once that Bruce Lee, the famous martial artist, used to teach that it wasn't one huge punch to knock someone out of a fight most of the time.  Usually someone gets knocked out of a fight by getting hit too many times in the SAME place. I believe that to be true- and actually relevant in many areas of our lives. It's not usually ONE tough Sunday morning that brings us to our breaking point; but several "hits" all in the same "area" that take us down.

Complete these sentences for me: If ____________ happens one more time, I'm done.  I can't handle _____________ anymore.  My limit is ________________.  You may not be able to answer these questions right now.  But...it is my experience that these times WILL come- not if but when, and over and over again.  If it hasn't happened yet, you will have that moment that you break and say "I can't do this!" And if you've lived through a few of those BREAKS, there will be more to come.  And what happens when you hit your "breaking point" ? Welcome to the land of breaking. Don't stop or stay here. Here is what you will find in the land of breaking:

1. You find out you can survive.  There is life beyond your "limit'. You find out you're stronger than you thought you were, because of God's grace working in you- His gifting this has been working there all along.

2. You find that where your talent, strength and ingenuity "end" -that is where God's Spirit and Grace really shine. Your pride turns to smoke on the altar and you and others realize God is working and doing great things.

3.  You learn more than ever before. You learn and grow the most- BEYOND your breaking point, not when things are going well.  When you are working out, you have to work out PAST your comfort zone until your muscles break down.  Then those muscles "recover" and come back even stronger.

4. You see you're in good company.  Feel like you "just can't do this!"?? - welcome to the club that includes Gideon, Moses, Jeremiah, Peter and many more.  Ask someone that has been in ministry awhile and the honest ones will tell you they have been past that breaking point and back over and over again. And the majority of ministry leaders have not had any prior experience or training before taking on an area of ministry- you are not alone. You don't have to be perfect- just willing. His Grace is made perfect in our weakness. There are no super people or super ministers, just people...greatly used of God.

"Jesus said 'in this world you WILL have trouble, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.'"  Please do not quit- the land of breaking does not last forever, though you'll make a few visits. And the God Who calls you to this work in your life WILL get you through it.  Love and prayers Trisha

P.S. For practical help with launching or relaunching your kid's/family ministry, check out https://a.co/d/59Mbiac Your Children's Ministry From Scratch and Your Children's Ministry Beyond Basics https://a.co/d/2TYmC2f.

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What I’ll Miss Most About My Father in Law

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for our family and offered kind words during this tough time. I was in Orlando, FL when I got the text that my father in law, Terry Peach, had passed away. Due to all the winter storms, it was a struggle to get a flight back to WI. Even though my father in law had been in ill health for awhile, you are never ready. I have been trying to get our family to talk and remember all the good times with Terry. Here are just a few things that I will very much miss about my father-in-law:

1. His sense of humor and laugh. My father in law was well known for his pranks and practical jokes. My husband remembers his dad often starting “water wars” by dumping water out of a second story window on family members at the front door. He also enjoyed getting people with the kitchen sprayer. One of my husband’s favorite memories was when they finally got him back. My mother in law purchased a realistic looking large toy fly and placed the fly at the bottom of Terry’s eggnog shake. He drank the whole thing and then took the lid off to get to the last of the shake- revealing the fly. He was very upset- but the rest of the family had a good laugh (even he did years later).
2. His singing voice. My father in law had a deep booming barotone voice that he used to sing for church, sing while working, sing in the morning while shaving (he was definitely a morning person), sing country songs, sing old rock songs. He really loved to sing along with Dallas Holm. He sang at his daughter’s wedding and at his 30th wedding anniversary party.
3. His commitment to family- Terry was devoted to his wife of 51 years, Kathie Peach, and his three kids. There was absolutely nothing he would not do for family. I will miss his cooking and baking. Terry had taken a lot of culinary classes and I enjoyed trying a lot of his newest creations- homemade yogurt and cakes, etc. He was a really good cook/baker. When Scott was trying to get a job in Appleton (which he got), his dad drove him to interviews and even packed Scott’s lunches. His daughter Kerri remembers how her dad drove her to classes and helped her every day with homework after her back injury.
4. His commitment to country- Terry was a combat veteran of Korea and Vietnam with the Airforce. During that time, he saw many terrible things that he did not want to talk about. Due to exposure to Agent Orange, Terry developed cancer later in life, however, with treatment, he was able to survive the cancer and live many more years. Despite all he had been through for his country, Terry still proudly wore his veteran hat everywhere he went. He also traveled to schools to share with young people all about the realities of war and what Vietnam was really like. He was committed to his country all the way to the end.
5. His commitment to Christ- My father in law credited his faith in Jesus for what helped him stop drinking (he drank very heavily in his military service). Terry was very involved in his church, and said that God was the only reason he was able to face his PTSD from Vietnam and all his past hurts. My husband said that his Dad became a much less angry man, making a way for a closer relationship with his dad later in life. My husband also remembers how his dad would use the lights/decorations to teach the true meaning of Christmas. He would say, “See that star on our tree? That reminds us that Jesus is the Light of the World. See those lighted candy canes? How could those remind us of the Christmas story?” My mother in law was impressed with Terry’s faith, how he believed God for big things and God delivered. Terry was known for praying daily for all of his family. My mother in law wanted this to be Terry’s eulogy, “Terry fought the good fight, he finished the race. There is laid up for him a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.
6. His strength- No way around it, my father in law was a formidable guy. At 6’2″ and about 240, Terry was known for being very strong. At my wedding rehearsal, my soon to be father in law surprised everyone by picking up my husband and carrying him bride style down the aisle and placing him by me up on the stage (we were all laughing). During family moves, Terry would carry all the heaviest items all by himself. He worked a lot of heavy lifting jobs- a foundry, factories, warehouses. My father in law regularly worked close to 80 hours a week and loved to just be out working. My husband recalls one day, when he was about 7 years old and his dad was driving the family home, another car cut his dad off and the that driver was showing a lot of signs of road rage (honking, brake checking etc.) The angry driver even followed the family home to their house, charging out of his car yelling and looking for a fight. Without a word, Scott’s dad slowly got out of the car, drawing himself up to his full height, towering over the much smaller man. The man turned, ran back to his car and drove away. That was probably a smart move.
7. His love of “Country”- Terry was known for his cowboy hats, boots, big belt buckles, pictures of horses, and playing country music. He loved getting to finally drive his truck around his rural farm with his giant dog. Terry also really loved attending the rodeo in Manawa with his daughter Daphne.

How about YOU? What has comforted you after the loss of a loved one? What is your favorite memory with them? Did you know my father in law, Terry Peach? What is your favorite memory of him? Lots of love and prayers always, Trisha Peach

Six Ways to Crush Your Goals This Year!

Did you make New Year’s resolutions this holiday season? Most people do. But avoiding to the U.S. News and World Report, almost 80 percent of people-4 out of 5- do not reach those goals. In fact, the majority quit on their resolution entirely by the end of January.

All of us have dreams and goals for our lives. So how can we better ensure that we are among the few who DO succeed and reach this year’s goals? After all, we won’t wake up some day and magically see all of our dreams come true. Those lifelong goals are only met as the yearly goals, the monthly goals and then…the daily goals are met. The older I get, the more I realize how FAST time truly flies- whether or not we are having fun. I want to have an impact- to do what God put me on this earth for! There really isn’t time to waste. Here are six proven ways to CRUSH your goals this coming year:

1.Make your goals bigger, not smaller.  It is so much easier to just make “tiny” goals that we know we can easily succeed at, so we do not have to face the risk of failure. But if we do not challenge ourselves, we will not grow. I have heard it said, “If your goals are so easy that you can do them without God’s help, then your goals are too small. If your goals are beyond what you can do without God’s help, you are probably on the right track!”

2. God’s priorities need to come first. Are our goals God- honoring? When we put God first, “He will direct our paths.” Too many New Year’s goals are all about us (I’m bad about this)- “be more organized” “lose weight” “save money.” For a person of faith, our highest goals need to be about pleasing God and spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ. Personal goals are GREAT! But I now try to start with spiritual goals such as, “I will do a missions trips this year” or “I will read my Bible cover to cover this year” etc. I believe God can let us know how to challenge ourselves spiritually, mentally and physically all this coming year.

3. Be specific- Are our resolutions MEASURABLE? Again, it is so much easier to just say, “I’ll be more loving this year,” or “I’ll be more fit.” That way, we hope to protect ourselves from potential failure. This fear of failure can hold us back from achieving all God has for us. But to really achieve our goals, we need to first SPELL THEM OUT. Instead of saying, “Be more loving,” you could write, “With God’s help, I will raise _________ for the local homeless shelter,” or “This year, I will invite 3 new church families (or unchurched families!) to dinner at my home.” Instead of, “I’ll be healthier” try “I’ll walk for 30 minutes 5 days a week.” See the difference? It needs to be crystal clear if you did or did not reach your goal for the year. It needs to be clear what you need to do to succeed.

4. Don’t keep your goals a secret!- Secret goals are so much safer aren’t they? Secret goals have less risk of public “failure.” There is that fear of failure again! But secret goals are also much easier to back out of. Everyone needs accountability partners. For an exercise plan, it is a lot more difficult to back out of that daily walk if your walking partner is on her way to your house. If you skip your personal Bible study, only you and Jesus will know. But skip out on your small group Bible study- more people will know. Truly, we live better when we live life together. Take a deep breath, take a chance- and share that dream God has been laying on your heart with someone close to you. Sometimes just the act of saying it OUT LOUD can get the wheels of that vision turning. Who can you talk to about your dreams and goals? Who can you trust to call you on it when you start slacking off? I am eternally grateful to my friends, family and accountability partners who asked questions and kept me motivated in those last weeks before my last book was released. I was bogged down with so many little details, and I needed that extra push.Things WILL get tough and frustrating. That is when you need your cheerleaders to help you press on.

5. Don’t give yourself a way out- If you give yourself an “emergency exit” you WILL use it. Seriously. No diet would be successful if you kept your cupboards stocked with chocolate and chips “just in case this gets difficult.” Attaining your goals WILL be difficult. Do not give yourself a “back up plan” for when I fail at this. Creating a back up plan, usually a lesser goal, is another attempt at avoiding “failure.” I would rather aim high and not quite make it, then aim for the dirt and succeed. WHEN we fall or fail, we need to get back up and go back to it- not give up on the goal.

6. Plan backwards and set “mile markers”. It helps to look at the end of the year and work your way backwards, to see what needs to be done and by when. Celebrate each and every win. Each goal for your year should be broken down into quarterly, monthly and even daily goals. And even the biggest goals seem doable when we look at them one step at a time! And do not wait until the end of the year to celebrate; celebrate each “little win” along the way to keep yourself motivated.

What about you? What do YOU do to help you reach your dreams and goals? Do you have any secrets to share with us?

God bless your new year- Love Trisha